


Plans Laid

by Meadow Lion (Meadow_Lion)



Category: DC Animated Universe
Genre: Banter, Canon Queer Relationship, F/F, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Mildly Dubious Consent, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Other, Snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-22
Updated: 2004-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-25 02:53:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1627775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meadow_Lion/pseuds/Meadow%20Lion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Flash meets Gotham's ladies and gets in over his head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Plans Laid

**Author's Note:**

  * For [scrollgirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrollgirl/gifts).



> I'm not specifying relationships beyond the [canonically confirmed, whee!] Harley/Ivy: see what you want to see.
> 
> Nela helped make it work; Shoshanna Gold, lastscorpion, and Elke_Tanzer helped make it better; any mistakes are mine alone.

At home in Central City, Flash is scarfing his fifth chili dog of the night and considering a sixth when J'onn announces over the communication link, "The silent alarm has been tripped at Lincoln Park Conservatory in Gotham."

Flash mumbles, "Ull hammelt."

J'onn either doesn't speak Food-Flash or just doesn't hear it. "Most of the police force is protecting a visiting dignitary on the opposite side of the city. Batman, are you available to investigate the conservatory?"

"Soon." Batman's voice is abrupt and almost too low to be heard over the flare of a jet engine. "I just finished a last-minute meeting in Chicago. I can be there in less than an hour, but someone else should check out the situation in the meantime."

"I'll handle it," Flash repeats, already zipping out the door. "Just meet me when you can, Bats. What do you think a burglar wants with a bunch of flowers anyway?"

"We may not be dealing with an average burglar," Batman says grimly. Flash is unsure he's ever heard Batman _not_ talk grimly.

J'onn explains, "Placed among Lincoln Park's extensive collection of rare and newly updated flora is a limited exhibition of sculptures by renowned artist Richard Avok."

Near the outskirts of Gotham, Flash pauses. "Oh, yeah, I remember hearing about that! He specializes in pieces that include priceless gems. Didn't they seriously tighten security to cover the exhibit?"

"Yes, but apparently someone has breached it," J'onn says.

"And I guess I'm about to find out who."

Just before Flash sneaks into the conservatory's rear entrance and tunes him out, Batman says, "Don't do anything foolish before I get there."

Making a face, Flash mutters under his chili-flavored breath, "I never do anything foolish."

If he'd spoken one second later, it would've been too soon. A quick glance verifies that Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy are moving among the low-lighted plants only a couple yards away. While Harley is grabbing sculptures and sticking them in a large sack, Ivy is selecting plants to transfer lovingly into a rolling suitcase.

"Hey," Flash says in a friendly tone as he runs in between them. "You know, you're not supposed to do that."

"Yeah, we know." Harley turns and aims a fist at him in one neat move, which he ducks easily. "I could list every law we're breaking, but that's half the fun!"

Flash bobs and weaves to avoid Harley's blows. He returns a few of his own that fare better, then gains several feet of distance from her. "I get a kick out of wiping the floor with you."

"You like kicks?" Ivy says from behind him as she delivers one to the back of his head.

He hears a hissing sound, muffled squawks and thunks, and a new voice saying, "He was supposed to be my pet." After that, he loses consciousness completely.

*~*~*

The lights are still dim when he wakes. Everything looks hazy. He scrunches his eyes closed, but reopening them doesn't help. He's sitting handcuffed with his arms bent backward around the base of a plant stand.

The warmer air makes him think he's in a different area of the conservatory than he was before. His skin tingles, but not the way he expects it to from lack of circulation; it's almost like he's vibrating -- more than usual. And he's definitely feeling a lot more cheery than he should be. It helps that Harley and Ivy seem to be bound to a nearby sapling. Harley is leaning against Ivy, who keeps rubbing herself back against the bark and long leaves of their plant.

Actually, that's a little confusing. The world clouds over again, and he realizes that Catwoman is standing over him. Her outfit absorbs the light and turns it dark.

"You're black," he says.

She chuckles. "Not unless there's something my parents never told me. You're a mouse."

"Since when?" Flash shakes his head, trying to clear it, but he finds himself grinning. "What did you do to me?"

"The same thing I did to them. I drugged you. The chemicals knock you out, then simulate effects comparable to those of gamma hydroxybutyrate -- what you might know as liquid ecstasy. They'll make it more fun for you to play."

"Play what?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Ivy says, continuing to shift, to stroke the leaves over the back of her body. Her arms move like vines and lift her breasts, and Flash doesn't comprehend her next words at first. "We're all mice to her."

Harley protests, "I'm no rodent!" She giggles as she adds, "You shouldn't think about my honeypot that way, either."

Ivy raises her eyebrows very slowly. "I've asked you not to refer to me that way in public."

"Sorry, hon." Harley smiles sheepishly.

Catwoman bends down, lightly batting Harley's cheek. "You aren't whom I hoped to lure here, but you and your _friend_ broke in before I could set the trap properly. And Batman is, what, taking a night off to brood?" she asks in Flash's direction.

"Something like that." He could still be grinning, but it feels more like he's leering. It also feels like he's getting hard from the sight of Catwoman crouching in front of Harley and Ivy. "Ha. Crouching Catwoman, Hidden Harley and Ivy."

Harley giggles again, and Flash winks at her.

Rising, Catwoman pulls free the whip coiled at her waist and snaps it against the floor. "Amusing is good. But I'll be more amused," she says, pointing the whip toward Ivy and Harley, "if you show me what else the two of you keep private."

"Like what?" Harley's high voice echoes in Flash's ears. The buzz under his skin is stronger, and he's much harder.

Catwoman digs one clump of a leafy plant with tiny, clustered white flowers out of a full pot. Dirt falls from the roots to the floor in a dark, wet line as she carries the plant to Ivy's side.

"Catnip," Ivy says with a teasing smile.

"Of course." Trailing the blossoms over Ivy's face, Catwoman watches Ivy tip her head so that they graze her now parted lips. Flash watches that, too.

Harley bumps her shoulder into Ivy's side and asks again, "Like what?"

Once Catwoman lifts the catnip to her own nose, Ivy leans closer to Harley. Breathing heavily, she presses her open mouth against Harley's. "Like that."

"Ooh, okay!" Harley squeals, kissing her back. Another giggle escapes Harley as Ivy's hair brushes her face.

Catwoman scratches up the back of Flash's neck. Even through his uniform it feels good, just sharp enough. She licks his cheek in one long, rough swipe. "How about you add some tongue to my meow mix?"

Flash twists himself onto his knees and tilts his head. His back arches from the surprise of nails dragging over it, and he groans in pleasure as he tries to get his mouth onto skin -- Harley's, Ivy's, or even Catwoman's. He manages to flick his tongue into Harley's ear. Then those nails dig into his flesh, he howls, and he and Harley both jerk away.

Looking up, Flash doesn't have to ask what happened. Catwoman slashes at Batman and leaps away. Her whip cracks outward like a snake. Batman catches it around his wrist.

"You knew I would come," he says without inflection.

While Flash nods, Catwoman prowls around Batman and shakes the whip loose. Licking her lips, she says, "It's our town. I hoped you would come alone."

"Sorry to have spoiled the party before you had all your cream."

Catwoman shrugs gracefully. "I'll get more some other time."

Her whip latches to the frame of an open window, through which she vaults in moments. Batman grabs for the wire launcher at his belt. He pauses to stare at Flash, Harley, and Ivy, and he shoots one last look toward the window, then reattaches the tool. He stalks over to pick the lock on Flash's cuffs.

Harley says, "Hey, what about us?"

"Arkham again," Ivy responds, slumping against her. "I'm very tired of that place, Batman."

Batman scowls; what's visible of his face under the cowl doesn't look much different. He says, "I only make one unnecessary apology per month."

After he pulls out a fistful of zip-ties and binds the two women more securely, he turns to the door. Flash follows, rubbing his wrists.

"J'onn," Batman says into the comm link. "Convince one of the dignitary's police escorts to take a break and pick up two criminals from Lincoln's Prairie Room. Flash will keep watch outside so that Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy don't escape until then."

Trying not to pout, Flash says, "I could've taken them."

"I can see that." Batman barely moves, but his gaze rolls down Flash's body like a Zamboni over ice. Flash doesn't feel cold, though, and he realizes that he's still half-hard and buzzing.

"You . . . " His mind must still be clouded with the drug, too, because his thoughts come extremely slowly, so slowly that Batman has turned and walked away before Flash can say anything else.

"Try not to get yourself into any more trouble," Batman calls, his tone dry and only slightly grim, then swings onto a rooftop.

Flash could swear that, over the whooshing sound, he also hears the words "without me."

\- end - 


End file.
